Nando’s Chicken Crunch
It had been a while since I had seen Rich. We met at university, not much had changed; both of us were still living on a low budget, enjoyed eating ridiculous amounts of food, doing ridiculous impressions, and would head home to sink the latest knock off beers and stream Tommy Cooper on a semi-functional laptop.
On this occasion our reunion started at Nando’s. “Ere, got this £20 voucher ent I, birthday sorted me out, might as well use it” he said mocking a man over pleased with himself. Our stroll to Nando’s picked up to a swift march when hunger clouded our minds. It is around 8pm, we have lots to talk about, but waste no time in ordering. We hoard all the cutlery, sauces, drinks and napkins available to ready ourselves for the feast. 8.10pm the large oval plate of deliciousness is placed between us, the chicken skin is golden brown speckled with black signatures from the grill, chips and coleslaw are spilling from both sides. Perfect.
CRUNCH. Rich stops his lucid conversation and stares at me aghast. He stays silent. I’m wondering whether he is having a heart attack, has set eyes on a gorgeous female, or noticed the unequal food portions. He lifts an arm nervously to investigate the crash site. At this point I know the Casper face was well justified. Rich no longer has presentable teeth, the shrapnel is somewhere in the whole chicken, and the tone of the meal is brought down to an A flat. A series of exclamations followed and Rich spent most of the night preoccupied about dentist appointments. Not even Tommy Cooper could distract from the fact that our Nando’s voucher had caused him a financial loss, we were still hungry and his weekend was cut short as his dentist surgery was in his hometown some 150 miles from his university apartment.
Enter cheesy cliché advertising line: If only Rich had discovered ToofyPegs “The famous 2 in 1 quick-fix dental kit”. ToofyPegs is a handy little kit intended as a short term solution to repair loose crowns and caps or can replace lost or loose fillings. It is certainly the cheapest alternative to minor surgery with an RRP of just £5.99 per box. Thankfully my teeth are in good ‘nick’ but if I had synthetic expansions in my mouth I would have ToofyPegs on standby. Young rambling bachelors simply cannot risk embarrassment. End of story.